Do you know what I’m talking about?
If you’re a mom, I bet you do.
I didn’t know what it was three years ago, sitting pregnant in my friend, Andrea’s kitchen as she snuggled a newly-awakened 3 year-old Sophie.
She said to me, “This probably sounds strange to you, but there is absolutely nothing like the smell of sleep on your children. They smell different when they just wake up and it’s so sweet.”
At the time I was watching Sophie and her sisters a few days a week and I was often wondering if I would love my own growing child as much as I loved these 3 precious girls who filled my days with fun and smiles (that question was answered in the hours after I met and fell in love with my first born). I loved snuggling with Sophie in the mornings or after her nap, as I did her little sister, Kate, who needed at least 20 minutes of rocking and lullabies before nap time.
But I’ll be honest, I didn’t really know what Andrea was talking about as I watched her nuzzle her face into the perfect spot on Sophie’s neck. I thought it was really sweet and wondered if one day I would feel the same way.
I have replayed that moment a million times in the past 2 and a half years and given a million “Amen’s” to Andrea’s statement.
Do you know what I’m talking about?
It’s in that moment right before an infant falls asleep in your arms and you can feel her warm breath on your skin.
It’s the smell of a sweaty, mostly bald head, that leaves a ring on your shirt, or on their sheet.
It’s the smell of their morning breath, yesterday’s dirt, or a 12 hour old “No More Tears” shampoo, combined with the rich scents that can only come from those precious pores.
It’s intoxicating and calming. It makes you realize that whatever you were doing is not as important as taking this moment to just be still and inhale.
It’s feeling those arms and legs wrapped tight around you and head buried in your neck as you carry them out of their rooms of haven to meet whatever the new day will bring.
It’s those last moments of rest before the business of a toddler’s life take over and they want nothing more to do with being held and smelt.
It’s better than a cup of coffee to start my day, and it’s the kick I need after mid-day naps to make it to bed time.
It’s a true joy to experience and it’s something I will never ever get tired of smelling. Ever.
Do you know what I’m talking about?
If you’re a mom, I bet you do.
Can you describe the sweet smell of sleep? Or at least how it makes you feel?
Less than three years ago, I was privileged to change my name and become Sara-Beth Noll. There are so many incredible and wonderful blessings that that name change signifies, the biggest one being that I had become the wife of Eric Noll, and covenanted to be that until death. How precious to me my new name was and still is. Sometimes when I write my signature, the realization sweeps over me afresh and I am amazed and thankful for God’s goodness so simply summarized in those four new letters at the end of my name. That being said, to so many people I have remained “Sara” or “Sara-Beth” and have rarely been called “Mrs. Noll”. I think of my marriage to Eric as not so much a name change but an incredible addition to my name… as Eric is an incredible addition to my life, being my “better half” to use the cliché ?
Two years ago, my sweet husband woke me one Sunday morning with breakfast in bed and a “Happy First Mother’s Day” card. Though we didn’t know who she was, we knew we were parents to a precious child in my womb whom we were anxiously waiting to meet.
Nineteen months ago, I started being called “Mom” or “Mommy” or “Mama”, usually in the third person by myself or Eric or others as they spoke about my position in Noa’s life, as her mother. What an incredible experience it was (and still is!) to be a mother and to be known as a mother! I loved it. A few weeks after Noa was born my big brother asked me how I liked being a mom. After a few seconds of thinking on it, I told him it was a dream come true for me. It really was, and is, as I can’t remember a time in my life that I didn’t imagine or hope to one day be a mother. And I prayed then as I do now that the Lord would keep me from taking that for granted, as I know it’s a gift given from Him, not just a decision we made to have children.
One year ago I celebrated my second mother’s day, my first with a child in my arms and a face and name engraved on my heart forever as “the crown of my own motherhood.” It was a special day for me to celebrate my own mother and the mothers in my life as I had a new and greater appreciation for them. I also realized that day that Mother’s Day had become to me a day not to celebrate myself, but for me to celebrate my child(ren) and the fact that God had chosen to bless me with the role of motherhood.
About nine months ago Noa started saying “Mama” and somewhere in there realized that was me! Oh the incredible joy of another new name! And, as with my name change in marriage, the life change that this new name implies brings a slideshow of pictures to my mind – all of which are images of two precious girls – and tears to my eyes for the blessing of being THEIR Mama. Even when it is whined or shouted or cried, may it always have the sweet ring to it of the wonderful implications of being a bearer of that name.
A few days ago we were at an event where we had to wear nametags. I wrote nametags for Noa, Eric, and I, and while I was putting them on, I was trying to show Noa that the writing was her name and that’s what it looked like. While trying to drive the point home, I was going to point out my name to her as I stuck it on my shirt but had a sweet moment of realization: that wouldn’t make any sense to her. While to everyone else in the world, I am Sara-Beth, there are only two people who call me (or will call me in Martha’s case) by something else and only that: Mama. It’s amazing to think that billions of other women have that same name, but for some reason I feel incredibly special and unique. I guess that’s because my girls are so special and unique to me and I am their only mother. WOW. Even as a mother of two now, this title is still so new and precious and wonderful to me.
As we celebrated mother’s day yesterday, I thought of and was so thankful for the mothers in my life: my mom, Kathy, Grandma Chase, Nana, Grandma Kuehn, and Grandma Iverson who is with the Lord. I also celebrated myself. Not because I am someone to celebrate, but because GOD HAS BEEN SO GOOD TO ME. I look at my children and I really do think, “amazing… I GET to be THEIR mother!” What a happy thought! I praise God for Mother’s day and even more that I get to be a mom everyday for the rest of my life!
Continue reading about My New Names – some mother’s day reflections.
