Today is a hard day.
For many reasons.
Today marks 8 months since we’ve been waiting for Jonathan and David to join our family. 8 months of loving these two little boys and still not really knowing them. 8 months of praying and aching and trusting God to place them in our arms but being at the exact same place we were in the process 8 months ago, except maybe 2 steps back from it (more on that later). 8 months of “waiting purgatory” (I saw it described as that yesterday and the description is perfect for what this 8 months has felt like). 8 months of waking every morning hopeful that something wonderful and positive happened in Ethiopia while we slept, but instead the only surprises have been horribly sad and hard things happening while we sleep. 8 months of trying desperately to find the balance of being joyfully expectant and ready for God to work miracles, but realistic and open to whatever he sees fit to do. 8 months of begging him to please not wait to bring them home until I learn every lesson I need to learn in the wait, because I know I won’t and can’t.
Worst of all, 8 months of these precious lives that we’ve missed and 8 months of family that they have missed.
8 months ago today, we saw this precious face for the first time:
Jonathan at 4 months
We knew the minute we saw him and that he was the older of the two babies that he would be Jonathan, because we’ve always known our first born son would be Jonathan.
So today, 8 months later, he’s one year old.
And while we don’t know his exact birthday, we’re here stuck in the middle of rejoicing and weeping.
Oh we celebrate his life. How often I have praised God for creating and protecting and preserving this precious boy. We are SO THANKFUL that he was born and so thankful that he was found and brought to a place where he was safe and fed and cared for, and “given” to us to love and pray for and hope for.
But we ache that we’ve missed his first birthday, and more significantly, his whole first year. Instead of being in a family, he has been passed from place to place and person to person. Even in just what we know, he’s been moved 4 times in this year, and that doesn’t include where he was before we knew about him. I can hardly bear to think about how his young and tender heart has hurt in his short life and wonder and pray that God would bring redemption and healing and glory from it all.
Jonathan at 5 months
Jonathan at 8 months
Jonathan at 9 months
I never wanted to share photos of them on here until I was allowed to share their whole precious faces. But that was when I thought it would be 2 or 3 months until they were officially our sons.
Today I am putting these up for 2 reasons. One is in honor or Jonathan’s birthday, so you can get even a glimpse of that precious smile and cuddly little body. He is fearfully and wonderfully made and we praise GOD, his creator and sustainer.
The second reason is that today we heard more bad news about the situation in the southern region where the boys are. Things are looking more and more like we won’t be able to adopt them, at least for a very very long time, and I want to share them with you while they are still, in a very real but unofficial way, my boys.
This has been a hard 8 months and it doesn’t look like the coming months will get any easier.
But it’s been 8 months of seeing God provide in new and extravagant ways. It’s been 8 months of being desperate and asking for help and prayers again and again and again and watching God’s people step up and be his arms and feet and voice to us. It’s been 8 months of asking God how I am going to do this another day (“do this”, meaning not be able to do anything but wait and pray) and watching Him bring me to the close of every day having survived the wait and even seen his goodness and felt his blessings over and over again. It’s been 8 months of digging in the depths of my heart and seeing the ugliness and faithlessness and self-sufficiency that is so rooted there. It’s been 8 months of being totally honest with God and finding Him to be my rock, a total safe place for my anxious heart. It’s been 8 months (well, maybe 6) of telling God, “this isn’t what I signed up for,” and hearing him remind me gently, “Yes it is. You signed up for this when you said you trusted me.”
Looking back on these 8 months makes me dread the coming months, but looking back makes me know we can face them with confidence. Not because we know what will happen (we feel more in the dark about that than ever before), but because these last 8 months have taught us a tiny bit more about trusting Jesus on this crazy ride.
Psalm 9:7-10
7 But the LORD abides forever;
He has established His throne for judgment,
8 And He will judge the world in righteousness;
He will execute judgment for the peoples with equity.
9 The LORD also will be a stronghold for the oppressed,
A stronghold in times of trouble;
10 And those who know Your name will put their trust in You,
For You, O LORD, have not forsaken those who seek You.
Continue reading about 8 months and my favorite one-year-old
Oh sweet Glo-girl, I can’t believe she’s TWO. I can’t believe we don’t have a baby in the house anymore! Seriously, she’s really not a baby – and it makes me both sad and thankful as we watch her grow into a beautiful little girl.
Remember this constant companion?
It’s GONE. We took it away in August when we returned home from travelling and she transitioned beautifully. Though, I’ll never forget her reaching down the crack between her crib and wall and saying, “Pa-ii? pa-ii?” looking for it. There were no tears, but she still is known to swipe another baby’s if she can get her hands on it. 
And even though she’s not a baby anymore, we still rock the baby-wearing. This girl LOVES being in the ergo on my back. AND I love keeping her close like that.
She still adores and looks up to her big sisters
And wants to be just like them
She is so smiley and silly, and we love to watch her joke around.
She is also terribly opinionated and gets a little frustrated when she can’t communicate as well as she’d like. She has been slow on the fine motor (speaking) and quite quick with the gross motor (running, jumping, climbing, flipping, falling). She definitely keeps me on my toes. 
For her birthday we had a play date with some fun friends at the park. The next day we went to the zoo with our neighbor, Gloria’s sweet friend Madison and her Mom.
And as a special treat we rode the train:
(you can’t tell from this, but she loooooooooved it)
We also had a little birthday dinner and cake with our family and friends (but I need to find those and put them up another time).
We are soooooo thankful for Gloria’s life and the wonderful person God made her to be. She is truly delightful and full of life. And while she’s not a baby anymore…
(I took these the day we got our referral for Jonathan and David)
She will always be MY baby.
Noa on her birth day.
I just don’t know how we got from this tiny (8lb. 12oz.) baby to this
gorgeous 5 year-old.
But I know I’ve loved each moment in between!
one year old Noa
one and a half
Two
two and a half
Three
three and a half
Four
four and a half
FIVE YEARS OLD
Three weeks ago we celebrated the birth and life of this precious girl. When we first laid eyes on her and held we couldn’t imagine loving her any more than we did in that moment. Yet, as we have had the great privilege of watching this little personality take shape, we’ve come to love our first born in a fuller and sweeter way. We are SO GRATEFUL to God for our Noa-girl and greatly anticipate all he will do in and through her life.
We received news on Wednesday that our case had been submitted to court in Ethiopia. It basically means all of our paperwork and all of the boys’ paperwork was complete and so was given to the court system. How exciting! We are so thrilled to have another big step taken.
From here, we wait to hear our court date. In the past it has taken several weeks to get a court date, which is usually several more weeks later. Right now we are hoping to hear the date in April and are praying for a May or early June court date. Eric will travel to ET for that date and, if everything goes off without a hitch, we’ll legally pass court at that time, and the boys will be ours. He’ll have to leave them there, while we wait for the US embassy to issue them visas. That usually takes another 4 to 8 weeks – now we are in July or August - so that is our earliest “gotcha day” possibility.
Obviously, international adoption is always changing and there are several things that could make the wait later. Right now our most likely obstacle is that a certain piece of paper, the MOWA letter, probably will not be there when we have our court date. MOWA (Ministry of Womens Affairs) is the department that announced several weeks ago that they were cutting back 90% on the previous rate they were writing these essential approval letters. We have heard great news since then that the person who made that decision was terminated and that MOWA has not been writing as few as they said they would, though it doesn’t seem like they are writing as many as they had been either. If our MOWA letter is not there when our case is in court, we won’t pass and Eric will still come home. We will wait to hear news of when the letter gets there, at which time we’ll pass (we won’t have to go for another court date, our representative there can take care of it for us). Once we pass court, either when we are there or whenever our MOWA letter arrives, then our case will be submitted to the US embassy and we will wait for them to grant the boys visas to come home.
Does that make sense? I know it’s all so crazy. But here’s what you can pray for:
~That we would hear about our court date soon and that it will be soon. Mid to end of May would be perfect.
~That all of our paperwork – especially our MOWA letter – will be there so that we will pass court right away.
~That the embassy will give the boys visas very quickly
~That the Lord will provide all the money we need in the meantime to complete this adoption (more on that later).
~That the Lord would bring them home soon, and, if he does, that he would prepare our little family for this big change. It was seeming so far off and distant until we saw their faces and have all these potential timeframes in our heads. Now these precious boys joining our family is probably just months away and I am beginning to imagine my life with 5 kids, and especially 3 under 2. WOW! We need Jesus, yes we do!
The second best part of Wednesday was that our agency’s director was able to email us photos of the boys that she took while she visited their orphanage. Oh my word, these boys are SO PRECIOUS, y’all! I just cry typing that. They are both so smiley in their photos, and seem to just love life. Our director reported they are, “sweet, happy and funny.” and that she loved being with them. I couldn’t be more proud.
I wish I could show you their precious faces, but we can’t til we pass court. So, until then, here’s our faces that we sent over to them:
PS: I pray for all the hands in this picture. My sweet boys’ and the dear lady’s (and many others’) who care for them day in and day out. I pray often for the women who ‘mother’ my babes while I can’t, and just thank the Lord for them. Such precious hands in this photo – all of them!
So the big event that happened in our whirlwind two weeks?
Martha turned THREE!
I just want to cry writing that – I haven’t really processed it. She is growing up way too fast, much faster that she should be allowed.
So, on Tuesday of our week in Atlanta she turned 3. I wasn’t going to do anything (the goal was just to survive the week), but sweet Mary Stuart got special princess gear and made birthday pancakes complete with candles (above). Can you tell Martha loved it?
Then, Melissa and some others at MTW went above and beyond to bring another celebration to the childcare place so there was even more princess fanfare and Martha-celebration there. It was so special for her. I was so thankful for those who stepped up to love on her while we were away from home and I was feeling particularly “weak” and unable to do what I would have loved to do for her. It blessed my Martha, and it certainly blessed me.
In our family, we don’t do a ton of gifts. We have absolutely everything we need and our kids get so much extra treats from so many who love them and are so generous with them (THANK YOU!), so we have never done much with Christmas or birthday gifts for our kids. But I love gift giving and one thing that I love to “give” to my kids is a cake of their choice. In our house we remember a birthday by what kind of cake there was. For months Martha has been asking for a “Castle, Hello Kitty, Belle cake”. I knew I wanted to make her one but was starting to give up on the idea as time marched on and we were quite busy.
Well, with Karyn leaving Friday and knowing that having Aunt Karyn here for her birthday celebration would be so special (and unique, as we have way TOO FEW days of the year with Aunt Karyn), I decided to try to pull it off on Thursday. We had a girls day at the beach in the mornin/early afternoon, grabbed supplies on the way home, threw the cake in the oven as soon as we got in the door, and got the girls down for naps.
All I can say is “Praise the Lord” that he led me to go ahead with it. I can’t tell you how blessed I was to see how happy my girl was when she got up from her nap and saw her cake. She sat there watching me put the finishing touches on it and just kept saying, “I love my cake, Mommy,” “Thank you, Mommy,” and “You are such a nice mommy.” It was so precious. She just beamed all through dinner. I was SO thankful we took the time to celebrate her that night.
Martha and Aunt Karyn - our super special birthday guest!
cousins, too, are super special birthday guests. and such champs for fitting in an impromptu birthday party into their schedule!
"happy birthday dear Martha"
Happy Happy Birthday to Our Martha-moo. We can’t imagine our lives or this world without the brightness of your precious life. We rejoice in the beautiful person you are and anticipate with great joy the woman our Lord is already shaping you into.
While it would be easy for me to say I am glad to leave your “terrible twos” behind – for they were pretty typical in many ways – I am not. Yes, they were hard, harder than I expected. Your fierce passions – joy, sadness, anger, excitement, fear – threw me for a curve ball to be sure. I prayed many a time for wisdom in how to teach you that your intensity was good and God-given, but also that it needs to be channeled and disciplined. That looked like a lot of praying for self- control (for both of us!). But the twos brought such sweet revelation of more of who you are and how God made you. I have absolutely loved getting to know you better.
One of my favorite things you started this year, and I hope you will do for a long long time, is whispering “I love you, Mommy” to me. Sometimes I hear it, sometimes I only see it mouthed on your lips, but rarely a day goes by that you don’t voluntarily offer those precious words to me, and usually several times a day. When that proverbs talks about children rising and calling their mother blessed, this probably isn’t what it’s talking about, but it makes me think of that nonetheless. It certainly helps me love mothering you and your sisters even more than I already do.
In fact, that’s one of my favorite things about you – you never let people go without knowing they are loved. You hate leaving or having others leave – especially your daddy or mommy or sisters – without adequately showing your love for us, which is usually several kisses and at least one good hug.
Another thing I adore about you is your heart for others. I am always amazed at your “sharefulness”. Many conflicts over stuff in our home end with you willingly, voluntarily giving something up so that anther person will be happy. You’ve done this from an early age and it never ceases to amaze me when you give up your “right” to have or play with something. I see Jesus when you do that and it has often humbled and convicted me. I pray the Lord will keep your heart tender to others and able to love people more than things.
I love how you always pray in thank you’s. As in, “Thank you for Daddy’s test.” “Thank you for Gloria to feel better.” “Thank you for my baby brothers to come home soon.” I know you don’t even realize what you are saying, but your Daddy and I often remark that your prayers are prayers of faith in a God who answers. It reminds us and encourages us.
I love your smile – so intense, so completely all over your face, so disarming and uplifting all at the same time. God did such a good job when he gave you that smile.
And your voice! I just want to bottle it up and never forget the way your words and thoughts and questions and prayers and ideas and imagination fill our home in these fleeting days of your toddlerhood. I love hearing your way of saying your Bible verses. I love more when you connect them to real life. It’s amazing to see glimpses of your mind at work.
I love that you are such a little lady, but with a toughness and sense of adventure that leaves me totally guessing what you’ll “be” one day.
Oh girl, I could go on and on. What a precious year, what a precious LIFE! May you never doubt how much we treasure you – all of you – and praise the Lord for the wonderful way he crafted our Martha Evangeline Noll and continues to do that. We are just so amazed and blessed and humbled to be part of your life and to have front row seats to it.
I pray for you this “lulluby” I’ve sung to you so often since before you born:
“Jesus, Thou joy of loving hearts, Thou fount of life, thou light of men, from the best bliss that earth impart, we turn, unfilled to Thee again.
We taste Thee, oh Thou living bread, and long to feast upon Thee still. We drink of Thee the fountain head, and thirst, our souls from Thee to fill.
Our restless spirits yearn for Thee, wherever our changeful lot is cast, Glad when Thy gracious smile we see, blest when our faith can hold Thee fast.
Oh Jesus ever with us stay, make all our moments calm and bright, Chase the dark night of sin away, shed over the world Thy holy light.”
Can’t believe this monkey turned ONE this last Tuesday!
Gloria is such sunshine in our lives and it was a special week with many fun things to celebrate this precious girl. It started Monday night with our group of close seminary friends. We have “family night” every 2 weeks where we get together for food and fellowship with 6 other couples, all the husbands of whom are classmates with Eric. Glo LOVED the happy birthday song, and chowed down on her piece of pumpkin bread and whipped cream (I did too! Thanks, Christie ). I was enjoying it so much I forgot to take photos!
Tuesday morning we had our traditional birthday pancakes. This photo is right before she stuck her hand in the flame and I yelled for her to stop. She didn’t cry from the burn or the yell. So grown up…
And then on Friday, when all her FL cousins (that is, all her cousins except for Baby O – we missed him!) were back in town, we had a little celebration brunch with sorbet cones after. I wanted to make her a sunshine cake, but it just didn’t happen. Eric says if there is ever a year to not make the cake, the first birthday is the one to do it on. So, we plopped a candle in her sorbet and she was just as happy.
8 of 10 little cousins…
We also celebrated her baptism this morning at church, which was made extra special by my big brother Jonathan performing the ceremony. I’ll try to post photos and maybe a video later this week.
I can’t believe my baby is 1! It is so crazy to me, and terribly sad that she is growing up so very fast. But wow, there is so much joy in watching her grow too. She has begun to walk, she communicates quite effectively, and is such a lover of people. We just adore her!
We praise you, Lord, for Gloria Kathleen Noll and the incredible addition she is to our lives!
