Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishmess. But in that casket – safe, dark, motionless, airless – it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. The alternative to tragedy, or at least the risk of tragedy, is damnation.
C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves
Ten and a half months ago I wrote this post about being “all in” with Jonathan and David. Less than a month into knowing about them I bravely shared how my heart was so completely for them, no matter what it would cost me, even if it was heartbreak. What I didn’t share, though, was that I was quite convinced that God wouldn’t let me be heartbroken. Instead, because of my great faithfulness to follow his leading (yes, that un-truth makes me want to throw up too), the path would be smooth and easy and definitely quick – even quicker than anyone expected. You see, even though I thought I was really all in for anything this journey would throw at us, I had NO IDEA what this would be like or what I was signing up for.
I have thought of that post many times, and I have eaten my words – bite by bitter bite. And here we are, ten and half months later, almost a year into loving these precious souls and aching for them, and “all in” looks very much like loving children we will never meet, praying desperately but never seeing the clear answer to those prayers. “All in” means we’ve let our children and families and friends (many of you!) labor with us in sacrificial giving and constant praying, all the time believing that all of us would be blessed to get to be a part of these boys’ lives being changed forever.
Well, we are told there is little hope, almost none, of them coming into our family, or of us ever even knowing what will become of them. We’ve been encouraged to move-on and take another child or children - ones equally needy of a family and hope for the future. It’s gut wrenching. Even considering it has been one of the most painful things in my life. I know we would go all in again, and could love new children just as much, probably more as we know them and bring them into our family (Lord willing). Probably one of the most painful things, though, is trying to figure out what God has done these last 11 months? Were they purposeful in his kingdom, in our lives, and in the lives of Jonathan and David? Will I ever know if loving them has made a difference?
It’s made me realize that choosing to love is a choice of faith. When we love, we choose to believe that no matter how painful, no matter how agonizing, it is WORTH it. It is looking to Christ, who loved us unto the most horrible death and punishment we can imagine, because he knew the pain of loving (loving us, but loving his Father who called him to it even more) was worth it, no matter the cost to himself.
My sister Martha read me the C.S. Lewis quote yesterday and it has helped a little as I wrestle with all this. It encourages me because I’m reminded that I wouldn’t go back and change my heart for Jonathan and David, even knowing what I know now and even fearing the days ahead that may very well include a definite closed door on our adoption of them. The alternative to experiencing this pain and ache from having loved them, is far far worse than I dare imagine.
So we’re still all in. And because of it, we’re asking you to be too. Please please please keep praying for these boys, that God would work a miracle to allow them into our family. We are asking specifically for the Lord to lead clearly through the timing of when we are given the opportunity to move forward with another child or children, and that if/when he calls us to that, he will give us peace, even amidst the heartbreak. Until that time comes, though, would you fight for Jonathan and David with us in prayer? The same faith that allows us to love and be hurt, also allows us to hope for great and impossible things.
My sweet sister-in-law, Maggie, wrote us an incredible email in response to my post yesterday. Mostly in response to my confession of being so sarcastic and cynical a few weeks ago about adoption. And I feel like I need to repent and apologize here for that. It is not something to be taken lightly, and in our heart of hearts, we definitely did not really mean what we said to those friends. Still, adoption is such a sacred and blessed and from-God calling and I grieve that I shared our faulty sentiment with those friends, and now, again, with all of you. Please, please forgive me for writing that, because I don’t believe sharing it (especially in that context) was God-glorifying or people-edifying. (I’m going back to edit the post, so I’m sorry if you get it again via email.)
Maggie so generously reminded us of the truths we know, but easily forget, and her email couldn’t have been more timely. And she shared some “link love” herself which I want to share with you because of how much the Lord has used it to bless and encourage and convict me today.
She shared this song (which you can get for free if you want, but it would be awesome to donate to adoption through this family), and some truths she pulled out of it:
-”If I am richly loved, then why do I fear? If am richly loved, and you are right here, if am richly loved then what else do I need? I am richly loved by my eternal king.”
-”Even when I draw back, he never pulls away, withdraws, but pursues me.” Who on earth is like that!? You have to keep pursuing and drawing near to these boys, to adoption in general, and to Him.
-”You are not a God who lets me down.”
-”And when my heart is slow to praise you, you do not let go…In this season I am learning you’re not silent or slow. If you only give me more of you, it will always be enough. YOU are the prize.“
-Any proceeds go to help fund adoptions!!
Seriously, get this song and be reminded over and over again of these precious truths.
Thank you, Maggie.
Hello sweet readers.
I know, we’ve been MIA. I’m so sorry about that. I have some sweet photos to put up, and catch up blogging to do, and I really need to write an adoption update. This next week or so might bring us some answers and news (maybe good, maybe not). There’s a lot more and I really will try to wrap my brain around how to share it all with you all.
But right now I wanted to share with you some sweet reminders we’ve had of the miracle of adoption.
We so often we forget WHO’s writing this story and our feeble hearts get anxious and fearful and oh, so weary. our adoption journey has definitely not been what I hoped it would be and we get discouraged all too often. I am SO incredibly grateful for the people the Lord has placed in our lives who remind us of what he’s up to, whether they know it or not.
Eric and I had the great privilege as newly weds to be in home group with this dear family. They were some of the first friends we shared with about going to Japan and then about Noa being born. We loved being in their home, which was full of life with their 4 children and new puppy. Their youngest, Alex, had just been added to their family through adoption, and I remember just marveling as I held him at how unaware he was of the incredible blessings God had poured out on him in giving him this family, and being equally struck by what a blessing and gift he was to each of them.
Anyway, even though we haven’t lived near each other for half a decade now, I am so blessed by how God uses them to encourage and bless our growing family still. I can’t begin to tell y’all how timely some of her words, in either blog posts or personal notes, have been for us as we’ve walked this road. I am ever so grateful for God’s work in this family, and how it has overflowed to bless us.
And all that to say, you will love reading their stories, but if you can’t read them all, you have GOT TO READ this one. THIS is what adoption is about. Oh, it just makes me weep with joy that God is doing this. Praise HIM!
quick adoption update:
We were so hoping we would have good news to share by now, but there has been nothing…or at least nothing good! Instead we have heard more heartbreaking news about children who were with our kids in their orphanage passing away from measles or other things. We have never felt so out of control or at the mercy of others.
Still, we know true mercy, WHO it comes from, and are choosing (sometimes with the tiniest fleck of faith) to believe that He is doing all things for our good and his glory and he loves these precious boys more than we do.
Please keep praying. We are told that there should be some answers, or at least a precedent set for how cases like ours will be dealt with sometime tomorrow. Of course, tomorrow could come with no news, so we are trying to prepare our hearts for that while still being hopeful and prayerful.
Thank you for praying and hoping with us!
I’ve been avoiding writing an update on the adoption for the last two weeks because it was going to be a tough update to write.
We have been at another stand-still in our adoption with no news on our case, and nothing happening for families ever a step ahead of us in the process for the last 3 months. Things were not only standing still, but seemed to be moving backwards. Two weeks ago we heard more hard news that made it seem like we would never get the boys, or at least not for a long long time. It’s been two weeks of feeling like we needed to grieve, but not wanting to completely give up hope and definitely wanting to fight in prayer for our precious boys.
Well, PRAISE BE TO GOD, last Thursday He moved some mountains in Ethiopia to allow many children to be on their way to their forever families. And since all those children were ‘one step ahead’ of where we are in the process, cases like ours are finally top of the list in the line-up to be dealt with. We’ve been told there will be some kind of plan or decision made regarding cases in our category this Tuesday. Now, we know from past experience that that doesn’t necessarily mean we will hear anything on Tuesday, but we are HOPING and PRAYING for God to do his thing and wow us with good news next week in time for Thanksgiving.
Thank you so much to all of you who pray for us and these precious baby boys so faithfully. I was telling a dear friend the other day that we have literally felt carried. It has been a hard two weeks, and there were days that it was hard to even pray. We are so blessed to have so many who haven’t grown weary of lifting us and Jonathan and David before the throne. Would you please keep praying?
Some things to pray for:
-That they would approve proceeding with adoption for cases in our situation, and that we would finally be given a COURT DATE. We are also asking the Lord to give us a clear answer about our case NEXT WEEK, and boldly asking to be given a court date QUICKLY (I can go tomorrow if they need me there by then!). 
*The Tuesday work day in Ethiopia starts in the middle of the night EST. So if you are up late at night tomorrow and want to be praying in “real time”, please DO!
-That our director who is in ET now would be able to visit the boys and love on them for us, as well as check on them and take pictures.
-We’ve heard measles has been going through their orphanage and we’re desperate to know J&D are ok. Please pray they would be protected and that we can get them out of there SOON.
-There are just so many children and families represented in all this craziness so please be in prayer for them too.
-Pray for our hearts. This has truly been a roller coaster and we’re begging the Lord that this good news keeps coming. Still, our hearts are a little fragile from all the disappointments. We want to hope and pray boldly while still being open to whatever God has for us, even if it isn’t how we would write the story.
THANK YOU!
Do not fear, for I am with you;
I will bring your offspring from the east,
And gather you from the west.
I will say to the north, ‘Give them up!’
And to the south, ‘Do not hold them back.’
Bring My sons from afar
And My daughters from the ends of the earth.
Isaiah 43:5-6
This is obviously something our family cares a lot about, and if you’re in God’s family, you do too (whether you know it or not)!
Why Love Orphans? from Christian Alliance for Orphans on Vimeo.
