Over a month ago, Eric and I were asked to be the speakers for “J’s Café”, a monthly evangelistic meeting in Toke, the town where we are involved in a church plant. It meets in the Tomita’s home (the same place where we meet for church) and it usually consists of local housewives (it’s always on Monday mornings), both Christian and non-Christian. Over a week ago, we started talking about what to share for that hour and a half period and were encouraged by some of the ladies to share our testimonies, including accounts of our childhoods, dating, marriage, and now, parenting. We worked a little bit together on it, and more separately over the last week and by Sunday were pretty certain of what we would share. I still felt we needed to go over it together, and most of all, spend some time in prayer together over it. Well, Sunday night was difficult, to say the least. Noa had a terribly high fever and there were a few times in the night that we wondered if we should take her to the emergency room, for her trouble with breathing. Come Monday morning, we were feeling worn out and very unprepared for J’s Café, and even wondering if we should go. We finally decided that I needed to get Noa to the doctor, my mom could come and watch Martha, as she had planned to watch both girls for us, and Eric would go alone and share as best he could with our combined notes. As I rushed out the door with Noa and left him with a fussy Martha waiting for my mom, I really felt sick to my stomach. I felt bad for leaving him to do this alone, I felt sorry that we hadn’t prepared better, I felt sad for our sick girls, and, honestly, I was feeling anxious about what these women would think of us as Eric shared our story. Every time I thought of him throughout the morning I prayed for him and begged God to be the one who gave him the words and wisdom and that it would be God’s work, because I knew Eric was exhausted and anxious.
Well, let me just tell you that our God is great, and He delights to use weak vessels to show forth that greatness. I don’t know why I doubt, or why my faith is so small after seeing Him do it time and again, but I guess He is glorified even in me being reminded again and again. Eric came home after spending an extra hour talking and answering questions with the women. He told me and my mom that it had gone better than expected, and that it was totally the Lord, as he had even seen his own sin and struggle as he shared. It’s also been amazing to me to hear from 4 of the women that were there who said just how wonderful it was to hear Eric humbly tell of God’s work in so many areas of our life. Each of them shared that they saw Jesus, not just Eric, and it was good for the hearts of both the Christians and non-Christians who were there. Wow! As I have thought of that today, I can’t help but praise God. Only He could have done that. We say all the time that it is HIS work, not ours, that changes lives. But I think, say, if we had felt good about our preparations and had a good night’s sleep and could leave two happy, healthy babies in my mom’s care to go and do this and it went well, we would have been very tempted to feel like super missionaries with the perfect words and stories to use to move people’s hearts. It would have been easy to, at least in our hearts, steal the glory from God. Instead, He chose to work in a very weak time for us, and make it clear that it was HIS work. It was HIS work in our lives up until this point that Eric was able to share with those women. And it was HIS work that even allowed Eric to be there to share with them at all and that gave him the words to say to them. Praise God!
As I have mulled over these thoughts this afternoon, this reminder has been particularly encouraging to my heart. Today Eric and I celebrate our 3rd anniversary. We won’t do anything glamorous with the girls being sick and us being so tired. But we will have a chance to get out together alone (my mom will come brave the germ-infestation to comfort and care for her grandbabies) and I pray it will be a time of celebrating HIS work in our lives through our marriage. Because, you see, my marriage is probably the biggest area of my life where I see that it is God, not me, who works. Because this setting is the one where I see my sin most, I see my selfishness the most, I see my utter need for a Savior, who not only saves me from my sins but promises to work in me to make me more like Himself. This setting is where I learn of God’s unconditional love for me the most. This is where the person who knows me best, who sees my failures and sin the most, who is most affected by those failures and sins, still chooses, by God’s grace, to love me. Of course he can’t love perfectly, but his love serves to give me a glimpse of the love of my Savior for me, who chose to love His Bride in the most painful and sacrificial way – giving His life.
So today I am celebrating this: the love of God that is so vast that it not only saves us, but changes us and can work in and through us to bring God glory. How I pray that even on the most discouraging days – especially the most discouraging days – when I am weak, unable to be the wife, mother, missionary, friend, daughter, person that I should be; that in those times – and all times – I could be as a puppet, moved completely by that love. And that God would get all the glory for that!
*here is a photo that Mrs. Tomita e-mailed us from when Eric was sharing.
God is so good! His promises really are true and He does fulfill them! “When we are weak He is strong” Amen! Love ya!
Thank you for sharing so beautifully… I love you