I hate that it is so awful in so many places, but I have to say I weep as much in sorrow as I do in thanks.  My parents and brothers are fine, as are many of our dear friends that we have heard from.  As far as I can tell, those we know and love in Japan are fine. I can’t stop thanking God for sparing them, yet my heart breaks for those who weren’t – unknown numbers of lives lost, all of whom have families and friends who aren’t thankful right now as I am.

I keep thinking of my big brother who was on the west coast Thursday night, and heard about the quake from the news.  That would have been so scary – to sit and wait for news of our loved ones.  I know so many are still…

My family is probably not sleeping.  The aftershocks are pretty regular and scary. But if they are, they’ll awake soon to Sunday morning and will gather with God’s people in worship.  My dad will preach – pray for words that minister to those who hear – whether they have hope in Jesus yet or not.  Pray for Christ’s peace to permiate amidst the fear of the aftershocks and the devastation.

They’re heading to disaster zones as soon as they can.  They’ve rented a truck and are filling it with supplies.  Pray for the team that travels – probably leaving Sunday night – that they would be ministers of mercy amidst the chaos and pain and fear.  That the Lord would lead their steps to where he wants them.  I think my dad and Micah are going, and I know many others will join them… they hope to bring several vehicles.

Please pray for Japan.  The reality is that Japan is a country that rarely looks needy on the outside.  My prayer is that as many come to their aid in this horrible situation, they realize that their (and our!) greatest need is the Rescuer of souls.  May HE shine brightly through the darkness of this devastation.

I had planned on the girls getting a few days of fun play dates with cousins and friends while I recovered in the hospital with Eric by my side.  I had imagined Eric going home and picking up the proud big sisters and bringing them here to meet “my new baby” (as Noa calls her), as soon as possible after she was born.  I was hoping to have a ton of photos documenting sweet Baby Glo’s first days, including our first family photo all together.  I imagined leaving the hospital as soon as possible because I love being in my home, in my own bed, close to those I love, and it’s where I rest best anyway.

Instead, I left home Monday morning, aching as I passed a miserable Martha off to my brother to comfort and hold. Even before Gloria was born, I knew we wouldn’t, couldn’t expose all these new babies here by bringing our girls over to meet their sister.  I sobbed Monday night after Eric left me and went home to take Martha to urgent care and try to figure out what is going on with her.

I had a wonderful day of enjoying my tiny baby yesterday, snuggling her close, and having her all to myself.  And those moments are stored in my heart, not on our camera’s memory stick, which is fine.  And I guess we sort of have a family photo, if you count a picture of a split computer screen showing Noa ichatting with baby Gloria.

But I missed my husband dreadfully, and came to a point when I knew I couldn’t do it without him…that was when I was waiting for him to get the girls to bed and come take me home last night.  While he was on his way I began bleeding profusely, horrifying me,  shocking and confounding my medical staff, and canceling my discharge. After two hours, they finally got it under control with medication and I begged him to stay with me.  Martha was doing a lot better at that point and both girls were already asleep, so we asked Sachiko if it was alright with her that he not come home.  We knew he needed to be there when they woke in the morning because they were expecting Mommy and Baby Gloria to be there too.  He ended up leaving around 3:30 am, because he couldn’t sleep anyway after getting up for a feeding.  It was a good thing, too, because moments after he got home, poor Noa woke up throwing up.

And that brings us to today, and why I am strugglin’.  I just don’t get it.  I have wanted so badly to go into labor without being induced, and when it finally happened, it happened at, what seems to be, the worst possible time ever! I just don’t get God’s good plan in this.  I don’t doubt it’s there, I just feel so weak in my faith and ability to trust.

I long to get home still, but know it will be miserable having to stay away from my big babies in order to care for my littlest.  It’s this weird feeling of nothing sounds great right now… no option is perfect.  I am hoping they will discharge me today, but if not, I guess it will be good that Gloria and I aren’t exposed to this plague of a bug that won’t leave our family alone.

Anyway, this is all pretty raw.  Sorry to not be so optimistic right now, but I hope you will pray for us – our bodies and our hearts in all of this.  We are blessed to have wonderful family support.  Jonathan and Maggie were with our kids all day Monday, but hopefully won’t get sick too.  And my mom, bless her heart, flies in tonight. I can’t wait to see her, and I know having her will be an incredible blessing.

That’s all for now.  I am gonna go snuggle with my baby some more and dream of when life will feel normal again…

Prayer requests:

Moving
We are leaving Lancaster, PA and are headed south tomorrow, Monday, with a 16 ft. moving van, our trusty station wagon, and my parents, Dave and Kathy. We are planning on arriving in Orlando on Thursday afternoon, with stops in Virginia, Atlanta, and probably many rest stops on the way Please continue to pray for our safety and sanity as we say goodbye to family and friends and pickup our stored belongings on the way.

School Starts
We are moving in on Thursday, and class starts Monday, Aug. 3rd. We ask for your prayers as we enter this new stage of life.

Support Needed
We will also be support raising in August. We are around 64% of our monthly need as of right now, this includes the most recent contacts we have had personally as well as those of you who have contacted MTW. Through recent one-time gifts and continued giving of many, we are okay for August, but need to raise support for the next three years.

It always surprised me that we call this day “good” when so much bad happened.  I guess we call it “good” in anticipation of the resurrection and the goodness of our salvation, sealed through the atoning work of Christ is both his death and resurrection.

But today I did not really think about the good, as much as the bad, or rather, the pain of the day.  The sorrow of what took place at Calvary was more acute to me today than it has been in the past for one main reason.

I heard yesterday that our friends and members of our church lost a child at around 20 weeks into pregnancy.  Several weeks ago the baby was diagnosed with “dropsy” (I think that is the English translation) and the condition had worsened each week.  Our church has prayed and cried for this little baby, hoping and trusting that even though the doctors couldn’t do anything, God could, if he willed.

And all yesterday and today, I kept asking God why he willed to take that precious, greatly hoped-for and anticipated child.  I know that this happens often, and that any lost life is heart-breaking.  But this time, having rejoiced in the child that God had given these parents who had prayed and asked for him,  and having watched my friends’ belly start to grow, showing the visual promise of new life, my heart has hurt – ached - more than it has in a long time.

Today, as I was praying for these friends and wondering how I could support and encourage them in this time, wondering,  “what will I say when I stop crying next time I see them?”  the Lord was gracious to remind of something I have known to be true before, but has never struck me so powerfully.

The Father knows.  God the Father  lost a child.  He knows better than I do in all my weepy, anxious, questioning, I-can-only-imagine-your-pain ache for this family.  He watched his Son suffer at the hands of brutality and IT MUST HAVE BROKEN HIS HEART. And yet he went through that, his Son went through that, for us.

As I read through the account of Jesus’ death in Matthew today, I was struck by Jesus’ request at Gethsemane that God take the cup from him.  And I wondered, “how could a Father’s love, knowing what the next day would hold, not take the cup from his beloved Son?” But Jesus, asked for God’s will, and God willed his Son to die.  He willed it. And we believe that his will is perfect, and we saw the love that drove that will, as Christ suffered and died and begged for our forgiveness in his last breaths.  We saw even more of the perfection of that will in the fulfillment of the plan for salvation, a Risen and Exalted Son of God, Conqueror over death

How comforting to think that the God we serve not only knows my friends’ pain and hurt in a real way, but that he also died to give hope in that pain.  They can grieve this precious child – we can grieve any loss – with HOPE, because of what was accomplished that good day.

And how I long to trust in that good will of my Father, that loved me enough to forsake His own Son.  How I long to pray, “not my will by Yours” knowing that the cup may seem too painful to bear, but that the will of the One I trust is perfect and his plan is most certainly good.  Even when arms and hearts will feel empty where we think a child should have been.

In times like that, my comfort – our comfort -  as his children is that the Father knows. And his plan is still good

May you and yours have a blessed, hope-filled Easter.

And please pray for this dear brother and sister and their family as they grieve the loss of their baby.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight. – Proverbs 3:5-6

Lydia came for about 10 days for CPI in November of 2007. Here’s a photo of us with the team from our church (Lydia is standing to the left of Eric).

I am not quite sure what Eric is doing in this photo...

Ah man, I really miss these guys! I wish they were all coming back to live with us with Lydia…

Anyway, would you all join us in praying for her as she is flying even now and will be here shortly?   Pray that her time here would be fruitful personally and for God’s work in Japan.  Pray that God would lead her for the future as she has college ahead of her after this.  Pray that God would give her good friends, and that he would use us in even a small way to be a comfort to her as I am sure she will miss her big, fun family.  And pray for her parents as they have just sent their oldest across the world for several months.  I can imagine that must be hard but exhilarating (you know, being excited for her and for how God has led her and been faithful to them as parents).  Thank you!

I am sure you will hear a lot about Lydia on here from now on.  We’ve been working on her room this last week (the room that used to be our “office/throw-everything-that-doesn’t-have-a-place-room”) so Noa has been showing everyone who comes over “Leeeya’s” room.  I know we will all love having her around!

Throughout this last year, Eric and I have had the privilege of anticipating the births of many of our dearest friends’ babies. It has been so exciting to pray for these little lives as God has shaped and grown them for the past months and we are thrilled to finally get to meet them. Two very soon coming babies are Baby Cole and Baby Chase.
Sarah (Cole) is due in a month but has had a lot of false labor and discomfort from the baby running out of room in her torso. Last night she went into the hospital because it was so bad and they were convinced it was the real thing but were sent home this morning only to anticipate a little more and stay quite uncomfortable. PLEASE PRAY for Sarah as she waits for God’s timing for the birth of their daughter. If you’ve had a baby, you know its so hard to wait, especially if you thought it was coming much sooner. Please pray for her as she is very sick from the baby having no room and so is very uncomfortable. And of course, please pray for the safe and healthy delivery of this precious little girl.
We’d also love to ask you to pray for our niece or nephew, Baby Chase, who is growing inside Carly. He or She is just like cousin Noa who was breech at this point and had to be manually turned. Carly is trying alternative measures this next week to try to get the baby to turn, but if not, she will go in next wednesday to have the baby turned manually. If the baby doesn’t turn at all, the doctors will do a c-section. PLEASE PRAY that this kid would turn on his own so that Carly can go into labor naturally. And again, please pray that, no matter what the method, that this precious one would arrive safely into the outside world.
We love these two families so much and these babies are already so dear to our hearts. We really appreciate you joining us in asking God’s will to be done and for Him to be glorified in these, the lives of His children.

this was the second of two major prayer requests for close friends. both were answered abundantly and beyond our prayers. i confess i pray at times in doubt, fear, obligation, without faith…praise God for the Holy Spirit…”in the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. we do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express.” rom 8:26

once again showing me its all about Him.

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